ColorMe Aventurine

i never realized before
just how annoying it is
the have someone like you
when you only want to be friends

I've played this card before
I've done it so many time
but now that the tables are turned
The familiar game, seems of a different kind

I really don't quite get this
One thing which I though I was so sure
but that's why life's a lesson
why it's something to be learned

I wish so much
that I could count crows on this event
watch as vultures pick apart my reasoning
so I could join us all in getting some entertainment
of hows stupid it was to really think I knew

I've recently found a love
in messing up and making errors
there's a certain pleasure
That you only get when fucking up

Keeps you on your toes
keeps things interesting
without mistakes
life can be as big and monotonous as smooth mountain

who's only use it taking up space

The point of it is this,
It sucks for both parties
there's nothing good about being rejected
or rejecting

I forgive you

ColorMe Jade

I can’t help you
I’m sorry
I wish I could
but I can’t

I don’t have the attention
time
or patience
to help everyone who looks to me

everyone always does
always has
probably will
but I wish you wouldn’t

I am not your friend
I am just a man who knows how to feel

I’m not your friend
I’m not your lover
I’m not your family

five lines I never thought would hit home so hard
mean so much

I love you
oh so dearly
but just because I care
doesn’t mean I’ll help

what’s sick is I probably could
I could probably help you
cure whatever ails you
but the simple truth is

I’m not going to
I’ve recently decided to live my life
rather than be everyone’s conscience

one of the deciding factors of becoming a writer
was to help people
so if through my writing
if my words hit home

take them
learn whatever you can
and hold on to them
as if they were the only blanket you’ve ever had
but don’t come back
and ask me for more
because I won’t give them

I wish I could
but I’m only one man
and I think I deserve
after living the way I have all my
though very short
life

to go out
mess up
make decisions
I’ll always regret

and get advice
rather than give it
sure I could avoid it
but that’s no fun

I love you dearly
so don’t take this too hard
but if you talk to me
I’ll ignore you

the me you know
exist in digital form
the man on the street is a shell
and doesn’t wish to be any more

I appreciate the comments
they really do make my day
hopefully it’s an honest exchange
but don’t talk to me

I’m sorry
but can't take it

ColorMe Lavender

So it's started again
my desire to feel your lips
your gaze telling me you want me
you need me

I've begun again to whisper your name
when no one's around
day dream on fancied romances
And the parts of your body that remain foreign

I feel this love
I've cast away with such hate
so many times
but it always returns

I want you out of my head
I know you'll just fuck with it
I won't give it too you
even if for once I thought you might accept it

you know you know you tease me
that I don't deserve your taunting gaze
and sudo sexual innuendos
but I guess somewhere in your mind
desire sets in

whispering false hoods
that you want me in some sense
even if you just went through with a mistake
it would be the best thing that ever happened to me
the best chance

for something that I know will never happen

And the thing I can't get over my head
is if I'd rather have never met you
I can't make a clean cut
with all others I've known

whether the lessons I've learned
were worth it
whether the pain, the sorrow
and the joy and knowledge
made an even deal

but with you I don't know
and never will
I've wished, but am not able
to have you let me in

ColorMe Black

And with the twisting of a knife
it all commences

a regret,
a longing or wish that something
which happened
did not

I’ll sit here
in the middle of the night
clasping on to my knees
searching for that protective glove

waiting more than anything
for it all to be over
for a sacrificial thrust
doing to me
what I never could for myself

and the funniest thing
is I’m not even sick
it’s all in my head
just like everything else that’s real

I realize that I am
my own made up character
made real only by my attention
and others by the transitive property

hold me tight
as I grasp you
even in the moment
I still doubt myself

doubt your compliance
and your reasoning
one small comment
and my treatment
has now become my affliction

you are the mother if I’m the father
If I create
It’s in you
because of you
you are the vessel which breeds my hate

with your many faces
and body’s
your very soul isn’t even shared
but still you are
my lack luster
The cause for my decay

ColorMe (Your Deepest Darkest) Red

Being happy is overratted

It truly is
at least now seems to be my reality

But, if this is how i feel,
perhaps it means happiness has gone away
I wish you had let me keep it
over something as mundane as this
taking away my long sought prize possession

or rather not
I never said I wanted to be happy
it was always someone else's goal
to be content with the happenings
with what's going on
and having things happening in the future
that is mine

though I honestly would be happy
to feel myself with someone
to feel that yearning
to see in their eyes and motion
that they want it more then I do

my brain wont rest
my head can't sleep
my thoughts are lingering
desire is pulling me in

to think
the similarity between
love
and love making is this

both you can't get out of your head
like a haunting ghost
it follows you to your deepest parts
never leaving you alone

it plagues your dreams while you sleep
and is your waking thought when you roam
that's the catch22 of it all
your only happy in the action
and you can't get away if you try

ColorMe Burgundy

I sometimes find life to be exhausting
between the repetitions
and constant need for perseverance
I often finding myself in a constant state of near narcolepsy

I know she wants it
but I'm afraid I'll hurt her
I don't wanna mess up
something that's not supposed to be serious in the first place

It doesn't make sense, I know and can accept that
but what I can't except is to
act on an urge
and do what I know will be worth it

I mean,
what the worst that can happen
she says no
oh how horrid it would be
I know she won't flip out
I've already tested the waters
but still this little tick in the back of me head
of that memorable tick
keeps screaming out
that it would be a bad idea

I need this
I tell my head
but it continues
to think and stop
me from getting what I want and deserve

and I want is a kiss
maybe more
jut to know I can do it

if he hadn't fucked with my head so much
I know I'd be able to grab it
but instead it slips my grip
keeps me yearning for more